My best friend, Michelle, and I used to have this cool import store and gallery in St. Petersburg, FL.  Our store was full of world culture goods, my artwork, Michelle’s woodworking, Buddhist and Hindu items, clothing from India, African percussion, incense, tapestries, educational and fun toys for children…a portion of our proceeds went to help displaced Tibetan nuns, educational groups here in the States, cultural groups in Africa, etc. We did “socially conscious” purchasing of the items in our store.

The same neighborhood folks always stopped in to chat, or shop, so we knew the locals, our front door was always open to the Florida sunshine. This day in April, 2003, started out just like any other…

A man with long silvery hair, whom I’d never seen in the neighborhood before, walked by our door with his beautiful husky…he back-tracked and said, “mmmm – I thought I smelled incense – I need to get some”.

I said, “well, bring that beautiful friend of yours in here – we love all creatures”. He brought the dog in , and I asked if I could pet him. The man very politely said, “certainly, he loves attention.”

So, I expect this dog to react like other animals react to me and become my friend…but NOOOO…the dog would not look at me, and kept turning his head away from me to avert his eyes from me, when I was down at his level.

“That’s not normal for him,” the owner said. I told him it was unusual for an animal to do this to me, too, as most just fall all over me, they know I love ‘em! I was kind of embarrassed, this dog made a liar out of me! LOL

His dog still wouldn’t look at me, and I said, “well, I’ll just leave him alone, he’s just not feeling friendly today”. After the man was done shopping, I gently tried again to pet the dog, and suddenly, the dogs eyes locked with mine in a gaze I will never forget, and he started licking my neck in a side-to-side motion over and over for about a minute. The man was stunned by this, saying that the dog normally didn’t kiss people, much less this odd side-to-side on the neck thing.

“Well, maybe he decided he liked me after all,” I laughed.

The man paid for his purchase, and as he got just outside the door, he stopped, and turned his head back into the store, and looked me directly in the eyes. Out of the clear blue, he said, “Remember……God does NOT give you what you can’t handle”. Well, that was odd – we didn’t talk about God or religion – we had just exchanged small talk about pets and the incense he needed.

I didn’t think much about his comment until much later that night… About an hour after the man and his dog left the store, a strange man walked in the store, and looked directly at me with eyes that were totally dead and lifeless and evil. I knew I was screwed…I turned to grab the phone, but by that time, he already had a knife to my neck, and was robbing me. In my store! A place of wonderful creations and representing beliefs from around the world. It is horrifying to describe how I felt during that event, and will not go into it here.

I firmly believe that the dog protected my neck, my soul - he knew something was going to happen to me. And I believe that “man” knew too, and was telling me that all the horrors I was to experience as a repercussion of the few minutes of the robbery would all eventually pass.  I believe they were angels sent for my protection and to remind me that things would be okay. There are no coincidences.

I don’t normally share the details of how bad things got…I mean, really got for me after the robbery. There was hell in the details of every waking moment. Life was a black hole for me for over a year, and I still have PTSD. I almost gave up a number of times, but I tried to hold on to the words that angel gave to me as he left my store. I had no job, no food, no ambition to keep going some days. You don’t know how badly I wanted to just curl up and have my life be over…but I kept remembering that man’s words. Some days it was difficult for my heart to hear them, but they always remained with me. It’s true…you CAN handle things. There was a reason you were given this experience: now learn, grow, and go FORWARD, not back. Take baby steps.

A few people made some loving gestures to help me get back to “me”, and reached in a hand to help me crawl out of the hole I was in. I learned to look at the beauty, and lose some of my fear. When fear and anxiety come, I say “STOP” with my whole being, and move on. I learned to heal, I learned to open my heart again, little by little. I appreciate my life, the people that are around me, and the beauty of the world so much more these days. I have learned to use the hyperacute sensitivity that comes with PTSD to my artistic advantage. Colors are brighter, trees talk more, I see more birds in the forest, the creek sings beautiful songs, and I hear music in paintings.  I love more deeply and I try to life my life as a prayerful dance.

I am grateful now for all my experiences, because they have not made me BITTER…they have made me BETTER.

Peaceful Journeys.
EclecticDawn